face ninetypixIt is 8:12 PM Mountain time on February 13, 2013. I have an article on counterspells that needs to be done in less than two hours. I have attempted to write said article multiple times, but I think that y’all would prefer not to read a poorly-organized high school essay.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day to give that special someone a gift. Some people like to give flowers, chocolate, or promises they don’t intend to keep. Some of us prefer less pedestrian gifts. Today, I offer you a poem about gift-giving.

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Zedruu’s gonna give you a Thrummingbird.

And if that Thrummingbird don’t sing, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Sisay’s Ring.

And if that Sisay’s Ring doesn’t ramp your mana up, Zedruu’s gonna give you an Ivory Cup.

And if by some strange act of God that Ivory Cup gets your life above the fifty-point clearance, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Test of Endurance.

And if everyone tries to gun you down due to Test of Endurance Fear, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Lich’s Mirror.

And if that Lich’s Mirror resets your whole story, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Barren Glory.

And if you play a land and that Barren Glory doesn’t trigger, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Steamflogger Boss (Creature–Goblin Rigger).

And sure, that Goblin Rigger doesn’t do a thing, but Zedruu’s gonna give you Aladdin’s Ring.

And if you think that giving you Barren Glory was rash, wait until Zedruu gives you Thought Lash.

And if the Thought Lash doesn’t mill you completely, Zedruu’s gonna give you a Cephalid Vandal discretely.

And if that Cephalid Vandal still doesn’t kill you, screw it. Zedruu’s casting Insurrection. GG.

 

Seriously, though, I apologize. I promise I’ll have a really awesome bonus-sized article for next week. Any ideas on what you’d like to read about are more than welcome!