This entry is part 1 of 14 in the series Massive Art Attack

Posted by Chris-B

 

You better buckle in and make sure your deck is fully sleeved, because the new Commander Cast season is off and rolling.  You can tell its all new kids on the block this go around by the abundance of jean jackets and British Knights high tops.  I go by the mysterious internet alias of Chris-B, and I will be a contributing author this season.  In the coming weeks Massive Art Attack will be serving up the very best and worst of MTG art, as well as some sweet altered art cards.  If you are a vorthos, or if you just enjoy hilariously bad art, you’ve come to the right place.

I’ve been playing since the mid 90s and in that time I’ve developed a talent for punting games and botching routine plays.  I’ve also built up quite an appreciation for terrible MTG art.  This is why I’ll be focusing on the later and not feeding you my terrible strategies.  The early days of Magic were a simpler time where the Wizards of the Coast art directors played Russian Roulette with fantasy illustrations.  Spin the cylinder of that revolver, pull the trigger and one of these might just pop out of the barrel:

It’s Captain Clearhorse and his anatomically correct steed.

What art description could have possibly led to this?  Something along the lines of:

Abyssal Specter: A flying demon rides his hellsteed into battle.  The demon should be wearing a helmet with tree roots jammed into it, because, you know, the devil or something.  He wields a hell axe spewing hellfire.  The hellfire should be drawn with some colored pencils to make it exceptionally frightening.  The steed also should incorporate the same colored pencil flames for consistency, just go wild here.  Also make sure the steed is actually a unicorn.  Put a big old unicorn horn on it.  The unicorn should be made of clear Jello with some horse bones floating around.

Nailed it.

You know what else fits that description?  I’ll give you a hint, it took me ten minutes in photoshop:

Scared yet?

Anyways, its not going to be ALL bad art here.  I plan on highlighting some sweet alters that are pimping out various decks.  Personalizing your deck with your own strategic twist and stylish card alters/foils is certainly an appealing aspect of the format.  I’d love to highlight alters that you, the CommanderCast reader/listener, are rocking in your 100.  Feel free to send pictures of them to me at olwhiskeyboots@gmail.com and they will most likely get highlighted in one of my articles.  If you can’t win, you might as well be failing with flair.  For example here are some sliver themed alters to spice up a friends Sliver Queen deck (credit to Xela the Geek https://www.facebook.com/XelaTheGeek):

And as a bonus round here is a time lapse video of an ultra-sweet sliver themed Cavern of Souls, lets get it!:

Everyone loves looking at pretty pictures, so send in those alters that are adding that personalized touch to your deck.

Next week, for my first full article, I’ll be taking a look at some of the artistic successes and disasters of the Ice Age expansion.  If your alters are from Ice Age, you get internet bonus points for sending them on over.  Thanks for reading and may your Jello horse burn eternally.

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