This entry is part 5 of 14 in the series Massive Art Attack

Posted by Chris-B

Welcome back to Massive Art Attack, last week we switched it up and took a look at the amazing art of John Avon and John Avon alone.  This week is another set review.  The year was 1994, I was probably watching a rerun of Rock N’ Jock softball on MTV, but Wizards was busy unleashing a product that would make the commander format possible.  Thats right, I’m talking about Legends.  This was the first set to introduce legendary creatures and multicolored cards to the game.  I wouldn’t have a commander-centric website to make obvious jokes about obviously bad art without Legends, so lets get to the review.

 


I began my illustrious Magic career after Legends had been released, but with the reprinting of many of the cards in Chronicles, I did get a chance to play with a lot of the early legends.  The vast majority are terrible by todays standards, so just be thankful we get infinitely better legendary creatures to build around in modern sets.  After browsing the entire set for the best and worst art it reminded me of how many bonkers cards were printed in this expansion.  The set certainly had a wide power gap on a lot of cards.  You have cards like Moat alongside Wood Elemental, which might be one of the worst cards to ever see print.  The art seemed to fall into a similar pattern, some pretty solid art that stands out and the absolute abominations (not the card) dragging down the average.  Legends weighs in at 310 cards so there is plenty of terrible art to go around.  As before, both of the Foglio’s get an exemption since most of their illustrations are intentionally humorous.

 

The Worst

This week to sprinkle in a little bit of variety I will not be the one rating and commenting on each card.  I asked the most awesome girl I know, Angie, to rate each card.  She majored in art in college, so she will be bringing a more discerning eye than I can offer.  First off we have the artistic disasters.   I started off by hand picking ten cards I felt were the worst of the Legends expansion and then asked her to rate each one from 1 (decent) to 5 (botch job).  I also took the liberty to jot down her reactions to each card.  Her response to seeing each card for the first time is in quotes.  And away we go:

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “It looks like hes wearing a sock on one arm.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “Ughhhh, thats a five.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “At least the colors are striking so I couldn’t tell what it was at first.”

Me: I still can’t tell what it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “Oh my god…  Is this supposed to be Jesus Christ surrounded by menorahs?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “It’s Michael Jackson in a mud pool!  It gets a four because I could actually tell what it was when I first looked at it.”

Me: Thriller!  Since when do housewives sink into swamps?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “It looks like a Dr. Suess movie or something, it’s gross.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “There has to be some gay reference here.  It has vibrant colors and you can see their nipples so it at least gets a four”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “This guy kind of looks like George Carlin touching a boob.”

Me: I can’t stop laughing and I’ve seen this card already.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “This reminds me of Randall from Monsters Inc.  The fact that its clearly licking his armpit makes this one a five.”

 

And now for your winner:

Rating: 5+

Art Critic Angie: “What were they thinking?  This looks like a childs art project.  Can I give it a 5.5?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Best

Much like with the duds, for the studs I ended up gathering 9 cards that I felt were the best art of the set.  This time around I had Angie rate them on a slightly different scale.  1 means I  have pretty bad taste in art because its a disaster, or 5 meaning the card is actually pretty solid.  Lets see what we got!

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “Well done, even though he has stoner eyes.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “It took me awhile to figure out the perspective, but I like this.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Rating: 3

Art Critic Angie: “The trees are nice I guess.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 5

Art Critic Angie: “Oh thats wicked cool.  I like where the teeth are placed.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: ” It’s good I guess, but it doesn’t excite me much.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “It would have been better with brighter colors, too much grayscale.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 3

Art Critic Angie: “Haha! It looks like a giant piece of gum stuck to his head.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 4

Art Critic Angie: “I love it!  I just wish it had deeper tones, especially the background.  It’s like he got bored detailing the background and quit half way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating: 3

Art Critic Angie: “And this brought to you by the predators around the world.  That face is terrible but the scenery is nice I suppose.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A big thank you to Angie for taking the time to comment on all of these priceless works of art.  Also if you have altered art cards in your deck that you are proud of, please go ahead and send some photos my way and I will be sure that they are featured in an article.  Also if you do alters and have some work you would like to show off, send an email my way as well.  You can reach me at olwhiskeyboots@gmail.com  Before we wrap up this article we have a couple more treats.

The what the f… award goes to:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember what I said about both the Foglios getting a free pass?  Lied.  This is so off the wall I had to include it.  It’s Albert Einstein surrounded by planets, looking like he smoked a few too many gas giants if you know what I mean.  And I think you know what I mean.  Who knew Einstein was such a total dick? He auto counters all of your enchantments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That wraps up another massive attack of art.  I hope you enjoyed reading and yet again if you would like altered art from your own deck featured in Massive Art Attack please feel free to send me an email at olwhiskeyboots@gmail.com.  Better yet if you create your own original alters fire off an internet electronic message to my space inbox.  Until next week…

 

 

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