This entry is part 8 of 14 in the series Massive Art Attack

Posted By Chris-B

It’s me, Chris-B, let’s take a look at an art disaster or three.  Or actually a lot more.  This week I take a dive into a set that was a mess on multiple fronts, Fallen Empires.  The best way to describe Fallen Empires is to compare it to Game of Thrones.  Except the Greyjoys are lobsters, the Starks are some fungus, and the Lannisters are fish people all duking it out.  This set sucked in a big way.  The art is just dreadful.  To compound it all they had multiple cards in the set that used 3 or 4 different alternate printings.  Each alternate printing had different art.  Basically, if they did manage to get a good illustration in the 4, one of the other alternates was a complete mess.  I think they wanted to guarantee that not one card had good art, even if they had to print several to make sure it happened.   To finish off this week I’ll show off an alter submitted by a commandercast listener.  It seems everything was conspiring against me finishing this article this week, but I think I did it.  Click the Read More button to see if there is anything there!

Fallen Empires was a set with only 102 cards, so you would think the selection for bad art might have been limited.  Well, once you take in to account that many cards had several printings that used different illustrations the body count really starts to rack up.  Lets pick through the stack.
Hey look!  It’s that annoying chick from the Twilight flicks.  At least her mouth is closed and that wolf in the background looks good and hungry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I might take some flack for putting a Mark Poole image here but… this game is not over yet!  Long baby pass.  Nice tight spiral on that baby… and he’s  he’s caught it!  He’s at the 25, the 20, potato headed skeleton is right on his heels.  He jukes to the left and breaks the potato skeleton’s tackle.  TOUCH DOWN by Burt Reynolds in a wing hat and he SPIKES the baby ball.  What a game!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am going to warn you but you are probably going to do it anyways.  DON’T look directly into his swirly hypnotizing shell nipples.  Too late…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scott Kirschner, thank you for submitting your art of Icatian Javelineers.  However it appears you accidentily submitted your rough, inept concept sketch and not your final refined illustration.  Please submit your actual final image within the next week so it can make final print.  Thank you, Wizards of the Coast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always close your eyes when you sneeze, kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder why thallids never caught on?  Maybe it was the painfully slow mechanic of it taking three turns to make a 1/1 vanilla creature.  Maybe it was the purple fungus mushroom farmers.  Maybe we’ll never know.  Why does he even need a walking stick, he already has like six fungi legs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Better scoop up your cards now because I’m casting FISH MAGIC bitch!  We’re talking tuna elementals here, you have no chance.  In Fallen Empires it cost 2U to make a fish look mildly sad.  Remember that next time you complain about power creep in creatures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To finish off this ocular punnishment I’m going to let you in on a sad secret.  This is how Giant Shark met his end.  At the hands of a merman with bed head and a pair of butter knives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did manage to dig up a couple of solid illustrations.  They were far and few between, but here is what I came up with:

Thrull Wizard kind of reminds me an earlier version of Duskmantle Seer for some reason (the art not the abilities).  He has popped his fang collar and now he’s ready to do some work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhh easily the best card from the entire set.  Everyone knows Hymn and in my opinion this is the best art of the four versions.  Throw on your 3 wolves tee and rock a playset of these.  You’ll get all the glory and all of the women… who are into wolf t-shirts.  Well done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reader Submitted Alters

Last week we took a look at the work of Stilledsilence and his ultra detailed 3D card alters.  This week reader M34NGR33N submitted his altered Godo from his mono red voltron deck.  Godo does love his swords and jittes and he doesn’t care that you know.  This alter was completed by Eric Charron.  As always if you want to submit alters you own or paint, feel free to send them over to olwhiskeyboots@gmail.com and I’ll make sure they get featured.  Enjoy!  Coming up later this season on Massive Art Attack we will have an interview with one of my favorite card alterists.  Be sure to keep an eye out!  Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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