This entry is part 1 of 4 in the series Commander With A Comedian

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_n“F^%&, S#!*, dammit!” I roared into thin air before letting myself fall face first into my desk in defeat.

“Having some troubles?” a voice called from the doorway to my office. I looked up in time to see Vexing Devil walk in and seat himself in the worn lounge chair across from my desk.

“That chair is for clients,” I said as I returned to staring at the top of my desk for answers. I was making like it was the world’s flattest crystal ball. “And you can’t be a client, because we have a strict ‘No pants, no service’ policy in the Up! Your! Deck! offices.”

“Oh, you appear to have your hands full with your current client. I don’t think you’d be able to handle another case on top of it,” Vexing sarcastically stated.

I responded by growling at him. In my head it made me sound cool and threatening, but in reality it probably just made me sound like I had a throat infection.

“So who is the client that’s so difficult?” he asked.

I didn’t even look up, I just slid a card across the desk to him. He picked it up and looked at the picture, a depiction of a curious little goblin with a torch reaching out to touch an eldrazi hedron in an underground ruin.

“Tuktuk?”

"Oooh, pretty rock..." Tuktuk's last words.

“Oooh, pretty rock…” Tuktuk’s last words. Sort of.

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This entry is part 2 of 4 in the series Commander With A Comedian

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_nThis article is a response to an email from a fan requesting tips on a Prossh deck he is building. I imagine he asked me for advice because I have thus far failed to shut up for five minutes about my own build.

My initial idea was to write out my full deck list and go into a deep critique on it, but to be entirely honest that sounded boring as $#!^. Not to mention that my deck is tailored to my unique and individual play style, and probably wouldn’t work as well for anyone who doesn’t play Magic like they are driving a monster truck (set yourself up to bulldoze over everyone, only acknowledge the existence of other players long enough to smash their stuff).

Therefore, I am writing the top ten things to try to do when playing Prossh. They aren’t commandments, since Prossh commands your deck  and you in turn command him. They are more like demandments, things he demands you do in order to make his job of eating kobolds (and opponents) as easy as possible.

One with less subtlety, and more charbroiled kobolds.

You can choose to ignore his demands if you like. But he is a dragon who is also on fire, so that may not turn out so great for you. Anyone else in the mood for BBQ?

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This entry is part 3 of 4 in the series Commander With A Comedian

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_nA  lot of kerfuffle (Yeah, that’s right. Kerfuffle. I’m bringing it back.) is made of designing decks for multiplayer as opposed to 1v1.  A lot of people suffer under the misconception that cards like Swords to Plowshares suffer in multiplayer because they only trade 1 for 1, and then whine when they don’t have the spot removal to deal with the Wurmcoil Engine that is about to turn their face into finely ground hamburger. If you listened to “Six Pack Set Reviews” with Calvin and myself, then you already know that we think a good multiplayer deck is less about what you play then it is how you play it. I have personally always designed my decks for 1 on 1 and then brought them into multiplayer games, to great effect. Winning in multiplayer is more about using the table, and you opponents to your advantage.

This guy would rock at multiplayer.

This guy would rock at multiplayer.

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This entry is part 4 of 4 in the series Commander With A Comedian

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_nI feel like my reputation for blue-bashing is getting a little bit out of hand. I mean, I obviously would play Vexing Shusher as my general if anyone would let me, and I clearly think that Cavern of Souls is the greatest land ever printed. But that doesn’t mean that I hate blue. To the contrary, I used to be quite the blue player (and by that I mean my Jhoira deck had a lot of counter spells) until I got disillusioned (see, that’s a funny joke because blue plays illusions) and gave it up for redder pastures.

But sometimes I still get the itch to build a solid blue deck. So, in memoriam of my time as a blue player (and to prevent the readers who still play blue from hating me forever) I would like to present to you the top ten blue decks I desperately wish I could build.

And also the reasons that I should never be allowed to touch them.

Oh, It's a top ten list! I love top ten lists! I read Cosmopolitan specifically for all their lovely lists!

Oh, It’s a top ten list! I love top ten lists! I read Cosmopolitan specifically for all their lovely lists!

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