This entry is part 1 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

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“You suck, your deck sucks, and your face sucks.” Jack fumed as his opponent’s general ticked his poison counters up to ten.

“Maybe a slight overreaction?” Jill responded coolly as she picked up her Skithiryx deck.

“No it’s not, poison is cheap. You should knock my life total down the legitimate way.”

“Really?” Jill said, giving a pointed and skeptical look at Jack’s general. He had opened the foil Trostani, Selesnya’s Voice during the Return to Ravnica prerelease, and quickly built a powerful life gain deck around the card. It was not uncommon for Jack to end up with a life total that broke triple digits.

“Fine, fair point.” Jack conceded. “But there are alternatives.You can always just kill me with general damage!”

Jill just smirked and replied “I did.”

"Nobody wants to play with me!"

“Nobody wants to play with me!”

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This entry is part 2 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

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“Seriously? Who plays land destruction?”  Clark fumed as he picked up his lands and dropped them into his graveyard.

“Me.” Bruce responded simply as he followed suit, adding the resolved Armageddon to his pile.

“Yeah, and it makes you a scumbag.” Clark said, gesturing towards his opponent’s board. “Now I have to sit back and watch while you smack me around with your Ruhan of the Fomori.”

Bruce just shrugged. “You had plenty of time to establish a board state. You chose to drop combo pieces,” he stopped to nod at Ashnod’s Altar and Leyline of the Void. “And I chose to drop a beater. Besides, you run Mind Twist to shut me out of the game. What’s the difference if I’m the one denying you the ability to play cards for a few turns?”

“The difference is simple.” Clark grumbled as he watched Ruhan get tapped, initiating his attack. “When I do it, I get to win.”

"Destroy all lands. Then flip a coin. If the flip comes up tails, target opponent has a aneurysm."

“Destroy all lands. Then flip a coin. If the flip comes up tails, target opponent has a aneurysm.”

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This entry is part 3 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_n“…And you win again.” Fred fumed, shuffling up for another game. He took another hateful look at the Maelstrom Wanderer deck that seemed to smoke him every time they played. George hadn’t even needed to play his general this game, simply entwining a Tooth and Nail to go fetch Kiki-jiki, Mirror Breaker and Zealous Conscripts for the combo. 

George similarly started shuffling up his deck, but he did it in silence. This was a strange change of pace, as George usually never shut up when his deck got to go off.

“What’s up?” Fred asked, his concern tempered by the butt-kicking he just had served up on a silver platter.

“I didn’t expect to win.” George said simply, “You were broadcasting counter mana, and I know you run Render Silent.  I was trying to eat the counter spell so I could cast Wanderer next turn.”

“What? That doesn’t make sense.” Fred protested, “That is a totally incorrect play. If anything, you should have cast Wanderer to shield the Tooth And Nail, It’s a guaranteed win! You know better than to play like that.”

“I know.” George mumbled. “I just really wanted to cascade…”

"Sir, Exposing Bloodbraid Elf to the super soldier serum and gamma radiation had some unexpected results..."

“Sir, Exposing Bloodbraid Elf to the super soldier serum and gamma radiation had some unexpected results…”

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This entry is part 4 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

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“Goddammit, not again!” Groaned Murphy. She was getting pretty tired of seeing Rest in Peace paired with Helm of Obedience. “This is bull. Infinite combos are so cheap.”

Dresden started shuffling up his deck for the next game. “Sorry Murph, it’s my win condition.”

“Well get a new win condition,” growled Murphy as she also picked up her Aurelia, the Warleader deck and started pile shuffling.

“Like what?” Dresden asked. “I’m playing Lavinia of the Tenth. You want me to run more lockout cards and beat you to death with a Mistmeadow Witch?”

“There are plenty of threats you could run. Sun Titan, Baneslayer Angel, Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite…” Murphy listed.

“Murph.” Dresden sighed, “I play this deck specifically to avoid the combat step. Why would I play cards meant for the combat step.”

“Because the combat step is how you win!” Murphy exclaimed.

“No.” Dresden said simply. “That is how you win. Don’t tell me how I should win, because this,” Dresden paused to expose the Rest in Peace from the middle of his deck, “is working out for me so far.”

See that steam rising off of her? That's because she just got smoked!

See that steam rising off of her? That’s because she just got smoked!

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This entry is part 5 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_n“No,” Mario said firmly. “I am not playing against Zur the Enchanter again. He’s the douchiest of douches.”

“Why?” Luigi responded indignantly. “What makes him so bad?”

“He can tutor the best cards in your deck over and over!”  Mario practically roared back.

“And?” Luigi asked simply.

“And he let’s you fetch answers from a huge toolbox!” Mario continued.

“And?” Luigi repeated, a huge smirk forming on his face.

“And he is a win condition that goes and gets other win conditions! And what the hell are you smirking about!” Mario was spitting at this point, his facing turning roughly the same shade of red as his shirt.

“Nothing,” Luigi shrugged, looking unimpressed. “I’m just waiting for you to tell me what makes him bad.”

Ya, okay. So it's time to talk about this jack@$$.

Ya, okay. So it’s time to talk about this jack@$$.

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This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series (Vexing) Devil's Advocate

378127_10150441621792624_1477312954_nI was leaning back in my chair with my eyes closed, relaxing in my cramped (but cozy) office at Vexing Devil and Associates. I knew I had a guest when I heard the creaking on my hardwood floors, but I didn’t bother rearranging myself. Only one person in the building walks into my office without knocking.

He never knocks. It might be a lack of manners, or maybe knocking just isn’t a thing on Innistrad.

“Eric, good job on the Zur case.” Vexing Devil congratulated me. “Defending the players instead of the cards was a stroke of genius.”

“I’m adaptable.” I responded cooly. I opened my eyes but continued to lean back in my chair. I figured the relaxed posture would go nicely with the smug smile on my face. “And Stroke of Genius is blue, I don’t play that colour anymore.”

He smirked at my joke. In hindsight, maybe he was just pausing to enjoy what he was about to do to me. “Yes. Adaptable. It’s for that very quality that I’m bringing this case to you.” He produced a thick, bound folder seemingly out of thin air and slid it across my worn wooden desk.

“Who’s the client this time? ” I asked confidently as I picked up the folder and flipped it open. “Are we tackling the Hexproof case ye-“

I froze, and did my best not to burst right in front of the head of the firm. I had only been working cases for them for a few weeks, and he could turn around and fire me in a heartbeat if I accidentally offended him.

I lasted maybe three seconds.

“F#$%ING PHELDDAGRIF!?”

Hahahahaha... Wait, you're serious?

Hahahahaha… Wait, you’re serious?

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