This entry is part 8 of 8 in the series Spawning Pool

By Judson AKA GU Doug

spEditors Note: So you may or may not know today’s author, Commandercast’s own social media guru, Jud. He passed on an article and deck list that is, quick frankly, too weird to pass up. Enjoy this strange trip into the mind of one of commandcasts’ own and let him know what you think in the comments below.

There is no doubt that Tri-Cornerism is in its essence the worship of  G.U. Doug, but the chronicles of G.U. Doug are shrouded in mystery and legend.  In fact much of what is known of him and his exploits are wrapped in the tale of another man’s ambition and life work, for it is by that man the story of G.U. Doug has come into being, that Tri-Cornerism is a thing.  That man was Dr. Milo Remos, a celebrated scholar, writer, and theology professor at Archibald College specializing in myths, legends, and lore, past and contemporary.  The Tale of G.U. Doug, according to Remo’s own words, was his masterpiece, his life’s work, and because of circumstances that will later be told, much of that work was lost.  Only fragments remain, and from those fragments Tri-Cornerism sprang.

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Dr. Milo Remos’ tale suddenly and intensely became intertwined with that of G.U. Doug’s four months and 21 days after the members of the mysterious collective called the Spectacle went their separate ways. It was at this time that Remos, who was on sabbatical from Archibald College, had traveled extensively gathering, compiling, and researching regional lore, myth, and legend in small isolated village communities around the world. It was to be his final fact gathering trip culminating five years of research for his long awaited fourth book. That all changed the day he stop in one small village, the location and name of which Remos never disclosed. He was questioning the residents where he might find a person or persons well versed in the lore of the land. After spending a few hours hearing tales of the village founding, something that he had become well accustomed to over his many years of research, he decided to stray farther away from the town center in an attempt to locate someone who might better answer his queries. Someone with more than founders tales.

He traveled down a well-worn road, careful to avoid the pools of stagnant muddy water collected in the wheel ruts carved into the ground over years of use.  The road was bordered on both sides by dense woods, so thick with trees and underbrush that straying from the road seemed like an impossible option. He would question the occasional traveler that passed if they could help in his pursuit of local lore, myth, and legend, to no avail. That was until he stopped one lone man dressed in a well-aged long duster and tri-corner hat.  Upon hearing Remos’s request, the man beckoned him to follow, waving his hand gesturing to come with, only saying, “I am a traveling companion with G.U. Doug.”  For reasons unknown Dr. Remos followed the man feeling safe and profoundly right in his decision.  Periodically he would ask a question, but the man kept moving forward only giving in response “I am a traveling companion of G.U. Doug.”  Remos followed and every time he began to have feelings of uncertainty the man would turn his head and say, “I am a traveling companion of G.U. Doug” and each time his mind was set at ease.

“It has been just over an hour since I left town,” Remos thought as he twisted his wrist towards his face to read the hands of his modest watch.  When he looked up the man had stopped walking and was craning his neck back and forth peering down each direction of the road. Upon seeing no other travelers he took a piece of cloth out of his pocket, approached Remos, and tied it around the professor’s eyes as a blindfold.  “What are you doing, where are we going?” asked Dr. Remos vigorously trying to get answers to what was happening. “I am a traveling companion of G.U. Doug” as was the man’s only response and Remos was once again strangely comforted.

2

The man grabbed his hand and began to move and after a few steps Remos noticed they had ventured off the road and into the transitional area between the roadway and woods.  The man stopped, let go of Remos, and the sound of his footsteps could be heard as he walked away and then the rustling of foliage and branches became audible.   Quickly the man’s footsteps approached, Remos’s hand was grabbed, and he was swiftly guided towards the direction the man had presumably ventured.  Leaves began to brush his face and arms and the ground was much more broken and rough than the road had been. “We must now be on a trail,” Remos thought.

They walked some twenty minutes, sticks and leaves crunching and snapping with every step, and Remos still blindfolded stumbled frequently on underbrush, rocks, and mud.  Faint whiffs of a fire burning became apparent mixing with the smells of nature.  With every step the air seemed to hang thicker and thicker with the scent of smoke until there forward progress finally stopped, and Remos’s guide let go of his hand.  The professor was now alone, standing there robbed of his sight.  He then heard faint whispers and then came a voice.  “My name is G U Doug, Dr. Milo Remos why have you come here?” it said.

With that the blindfold was removed from his eyes and sitting in front of him was a man of some height, sitting on a wooden stool, with chin length brown hair in need of a combing, and an unkempt beard.  To his left sat a small table on which was strewn about a pouch of tobacco, a wooden mug, and a clay statue of a bull, no more than a foot high, standing tall and proud chest protruding.  Remos stood still for a second and then replied, “upon asking this man,” he pointed in the direction of his guide, “if he knew anyone in this area well versed in the lore of this land or others, he beckoned me to follow, blindfolded me, led me to you, and gave me only the response that he was a traveling companion of G.U. Doug to any question that I asked.”

“If you are looking for someone well versed in lore,” replied G.U. Doug, “then I may be able to help you, but for now I have neither the constitution nor the desire to speak on this subject.  Meet two of my traveling companions tomorrow on the same road and they will bring you to me and we shall talk, but for now you must leave.”

3

With that the blindfold was reapplied to Remos’ eyes, and he was led back to the road, left to venture back to town by himself as days light slowly gave way to night.  For the next three days Dr. Remos traveled out of the town center and towards the forested road, and everyday he was met by two men, similar in dress and appearance to his first guide.  They also only said that they were traveling companions of G.U. Doug, which again gave him some strange sort of comfort and put his mind at ease.  Each time he was blindfolded and led down the broken earthen path, and upon smelling the sent of smoke he would arrive at the camp of G.U. Doug within a few moments.  Each day Remos listened and took notes on the tales that G.U. Doug told, which he had either gathered from his travels or that had been passed down to him by family and friends.  Dr. Remos found that G.U. Doug seemed to possess an uncanny amount of tales from various parts of the world, some places that he himself being a scholar, were unfamiliar with.

It wasn’t until the third day that G.U. Doug said anything about himself.  Towards the end of their talk he briefly spoke his early life, his wandering years, and the Spectacle, but only enough to entice Dr. Remos.  With only just, or inspite of, only a small portion of the events that unfolded around G.U. Doug’s life told, Remos found himself wishing to stay and learn more of the tales of G.U. Doug’s life, which seemed to be wrapped in even more legend and mystery than the stories he told.  Soon he had abandoned his academic pursuits to become a traveling companion of G.U. Doug.

Dr. Milo Remos was not seen again for 18 years, and no word was ever received from him by his colleagues, friends, or family.  When he reappeared he was old in age, being in his mid fifties when he had initially left on his sabbatical to finish his book.  He was weathered by long travel, his once clean-cut appearance resembled that of a hermit or gypsy, and he was soon approaching his deathbed.  The only possessions that he had with him upon his return were a small traveling pack, containing a few personal items and collection of notes, and a book hand bound in red leather that was now very worn from use.  He claimed it was a gift from G.U. Doug himself, and treasured it above all his other possessions.  It was said to have contained the most complete collection of stories and tales documenting G.U. Doug’s history, adventures, and exploits.  The book exceeded some 800 pages, each weathered and worn from writing, reading, and travel.

Within two months Remos’s health drastically began to fade.  As his friends and colleagues began to receive word of his return and failing health, many came to visit and inquire about his absence among other things.  Remos only stated, “I was a traveling companion of G.U. Doug,” of whom they had never heard of.  Remos would never say much of his travels other than he had traveled through many lands, seen many things, and met many people all steeped in mystery, danger, and the unknown.  He was always willing to share tales of G.U. Doug, especially to small children but to adults as well, but in no sort of context of time or place, and he would never let anyone see the contents of his book, saying that it was still incomplete.

On his last day Dr. Remos laid in his bed, clutching the red book that he considered his unfinished life’s work.  He had two in home nurses attending to him seeing that he was as comfortable as he could be in his condition.  Then leaning forward as one of the nurses refreshed the damp rag on his forehead he whispered the words, “When all the story tellers die, who is left to tell the tales?” and with that he took his last breath.  The attendants covered Remos, still clutching his book, and readied the room to for the body to be removed.  When they were almost finished two men entered, both looking as though they had traveled a great distance with little rest.  One held up his hand gesturing to the nurses that they meant no harm and said to them, “We are traveling companions of G.U. Doug.”  Then with no other word they slowly approached the body of Dr. Milo Remos, placed a feather over each eye and then fastened a blindfold around his head.  They quickly dressed him in his tattered traveling clothes, which had laid unused in the trunk at the foot of his bed, laid him on a homemade stretcher, hoisted him up, and carried him away into the darkness, still clasping the red book in his hands.  Neither nurse had said a word nor tried to stop the two strangers, for upon the uttering of the phrase they felt content in mind, comforted, and a sensed that everything was as it should be.

4

With the book gone most of the events and happenings of G.U. Doug are again lost.  What remains was taken from the few notes that were left behind by Dr. Remos.  Those notes, amounting to only a fraction of content compared to the wealth of knowledge in the red book, notes taken from lengthy talks with Remos by his trusted friend and colleague Dr. Arthur S. Proffitt are now all that is left of the tale, as well as recently discovered but poor quality recordings made by Remos’s niece Cassandra Johannes when she was but a small girl visiting her sickly uncle are now what make up the sacred text of Tri-Cornerism.  But these are just excerpts of the whole tale, of which most will never be known again.

5

Hi I’m G.U. Doug, founder, president, and CEO of G.U. Fresh Ind., a G.U. Doug Company and High Priest of the Tri-Corner at the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center.  As you may know the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer has come under great scrutiny as of late due to some fairly unfortunate press.  I want to assure you that claims that the Tri-Cornerism is not a real religion, that our sacred texts have been fabricated, that the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center is nothing but a tax shelter for our parent corporation and sponsor, and that I ,G.U. Doug High Priest of the Tri-Corner at the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center, have purposely engaged in cult like practices brainwashing our brother and sister wearers of the tri-corner into giving all their worldly possessions to myself and indentured themselves into free servitude of  the Center’s parent corporation and sponsor are purely misunderstandings. I will admit that to the outside observer these may be the most obvious conclusion to draw, but my hand to Tri-Corner our brother and sister wearers of the tri-corner have not been coopted as free laboring fun-ployee family members at G.U. Fresh Ind., a G.U. Doug Company.  While these brother and sister wearers of the tri-corner do work hand in hand with fun-ployee family members it is purely for religious reasons, as they are working towards achieving the three corners of Tri-Cornerism as laid out in the supplement to the holy text by our first High Preist of the Tri-Corner (of which I am legal obligated to say that I am).  I thought we as a society were past the point of persecuting others for possessing differing and atypical religious beliefs.  

Therefor in an effort to fight this maltreatment and oppression of all the brother and sister wearers of the tri-corner and to gain acceptance and understanding I, G.U. Doug High Priest of the Tri-Corner at the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center, solemnly swear to do my utmost to qualm these self-righteous fires of religious persecution set upon us by our indignant accusers.

That is why we practitioners of Tri-Cornerism at the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center have started a legal fund, and while we will accept direct monetary donations, we are offering each and every one of you the unique opportunity to own a very special Magic the Gathering Elder Dragon Highlander deck suitable for playing for the pittance of 4 easy payment donations of $95.95 plus $14.95 shipping and handling..  Each deck will contain 100 Magic the Gathering playing cards and possess within them a religious and spiritual theme in an effort to encourage tolerance.  All proceeds will go to support the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center legal fund.  Through your contributions we will prevail, rise stronger, and stand proud.  Thank you for your support.

 

The very special Magic the Gathering Elder Dragon Highlander deck includes the following:

The Commander Representing G.U. Doug High Priest of the Tri-Corner at the Tri-Corner Center of the True Believer, a G.U. Doug Religious Center, a man of profound faith and wisdom in all things up to and including but not limited to corporate responsibility and the greater good to complex Tri-Cornerism theory and practice.

1 Damia, Sage of Stone

 

Representing the many gods, deities, and high powers praised the world around:

1 Deity of Scars

1 Erebos, God of the Dead

1 Nylea, God of the Hunt

1 Kruphix, God of Horizons

1 Overbeing of Myth

1 Phenax, God of Deception

1 Thassa, God of the Sea

 

Representing the truest believers and spiritual shepherds:

1 Bog Witch

1 Chancellor of the Spires

1 Coiling Oracle

1 Deathrite Shaman

1 Duskmantle Seer

1 Elvish Archdruid

1 Elvish Mystic

1 Fate Unraveler

1 Gyre Sage

1 Karametra’s Acolyte

1 Oracle of Mul Daya

1 Pontiff of Blight

1 Priest of Titania

1 Prophet of Kruphix

1 Sepulchral Primordial

1 Somberwald Sage

1 Uyo, Silent Prophet

1 Wirewood Channeler

 

Representing places/structures of deep religious and spiritual importance:

1 Honden of Life’s Web

1 Honden of Night’s Reach

1 Honden of Seeing Winds

 

Representing those that believe in spirit animals, spiritual entities and familiars:

 

1 Essence of the Wild

1 Mystic Snake

1 Skirge Familiar

 

Representing the ability accept and believe the incomporeal nature of the gods or higher powers:

 

1 Ætherize

1 Frozen Æther

1 Wonder

 

Representing important religious and spiritual practices, rites, and beliefs:

 

1 All Is Dust

1 Calming Verse

1 Deadbridge Chant

1 Deathreap Ritual

1 Fable of Wolf and Owl

1 Followed Footsteps

1 Gaea’s Blessing

1 Mana Reflection

1 Primeval Bounty

1 Rite of Replication

1 Rites of Flourishing

1 Spin into Myth

1 Serene Remembrance

 

Nothing is wholly good or bad.  Even in the good there is bad.  Representing negative connotations and the existence of religion and spirituality being used for evil:

 

1 Corrupted Conscience

1 Curse of Echoes

1 Curse of the Swine

1 Decree of Pain

1 Extinguish All Hope

1 Hex

1 Hive Mind

1 Ill-Gotten Gains

1 Knowledge Exploitation

1 Mind Control

1 Necromancy

1 Relic Crush

1 Silence the Believers

1 Sower of Temptation

 

Lastly the lands providers of mana:

 

1 Ancient Tomb

1 Bojuka Bog

1 Breeding Pool

1 Command Tower

1 Dimir Aqueduct

1 Drowned Catacomb

1 Evolving Wilds

1 Exotic Orchard

1 Golgari Rot Farm

1 Haunted Fengraf

1 Hinterland Harbor

1 Mosswort Bridge

1 Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx

1 Opal Palace

1 Oran-Rief, the Vastwood

1 Overgrown Tomb

1 Shizo, Death’s Storehouse

1 Simic Growth Chamber

1 Temple of Deceit

1 Temple of Mystery

1 Temple of the False God

1 Terramorphic Expanse

1 Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth

1 Watery Grave

1 Woodland Cemetery

4 Island

4 Swamp

5 Forest

 

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