This entry is part 1 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

“Bone swires, messer me!” Mightily Oats here and I’m so glad you have tuned in.

Y’all, I ain’t gonna lie, I enjoy Voltron decks. I didn’t realize I that I enjoyed Voltron decks until I actually baked one up last week. It was like piloting a giant Pez dispenser that dispenses butt-kickings instead of Pez. It was like soaring far above my enemies without the downside of being sucked into jet engines. It was like being a pit-fighting grizzly bear… with a bazooka… that shoots sharks… that are on fire. Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 2 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Mightily Oats

One morning, not too long ago, I walked into my living room and stated to my wife matter-of-factly “Honey, it is awesome being me.”

Not looking up from one of her smutty chick books about romance and pirates titled “On the Origin of Species”, she asked “And what makes you say that?”

“Being me is just awesome. Not just being me in particular (though that is awesome in it’s own right) but being a ‘Mike’ in general. Did you know that there is an entire branch of science devoted entirely to the study of ‘Mikes’ and all things ‘Mike’ related?” I queried.

“Oh, really?” she asked archly, putting her book in her lap.

“Yup, it’s called Mikeology!” I stated authoritatively.

“Mycology?” she asked.

“Is there an echo in here?” I asked, looking around for where it had come from.

“Mycology is the study of fungi.”

“I know! I’m that fun guy they are so interested in!”

After nimbly dodging Charles Darwin’s tome of lusty romance on the high seas as it was sailing toward my head, I suggested perhaps my wife might want to soothe her fevered brain by ceasing her pursuit of fictional 17th century swashbuckling -titillation by hopping into the kitchen and fixing me a sandwich.

A very eventful ten seconds later I was locking the door to my den while a full third of the 1976 edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica smashed into said door at just a smidge over the speed of sound. Every time I hear a sonic boom I’m reminded of how much I love my wife. Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 3 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy, y’all! Welcome to another episode of Cooking with Oats.

Today we are going to explore the dark and mysterious arts of Cajun cuisine. Cajun cooking can trace its roots directly to settlers from the great bogs of central France who, though they loved their homeland, found it to be lacking in giant alligators, devastating hurricanes and mosquitoes big enough to be ridden into battle. After establishing themselves in the New World and failing to sell their services as light airborne cavalry they fell upon hard times. With no means of bringing money into their coffers they were forced to live off of the land. This involved dredging the bottom of the bayous and throwing anything that moved into a cooking pot. At the time this was looked down upon as ‘I-dare-you to-eat-that cooking’, but after working with the same PR agency that worked with Apple Computers and the Catholic Church it has become ‘haute cuisine’.

To really get to the soul of Cajun cooking I needed to get to the heart of the bayou and get my hands dirty. I rented a chalet in southern Louisiana, booked my flight, strapped on my cooking pot and headed for the airport. Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 4 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~Louis Hector Berlioz

The sun rises in the east, first kissing the soaring mountain peaks and slowly dripping into the glacier-ridden valleys. A frigid spring wind comes rushing from the north, insidiously disregarding my many layers of long underwear to fondle my dangly bits with its icy fingers. The frosty cloud of my exhalation mixes with that of my stalwart war-yak, shifting restively beneath me while he chews his cud. The sonorous tolling of a gong echoes through the valley, announcing the birth of another day.

This is monk country; where bald little men gather in their high-mountain factories to churn out philosophies, idioms and clever sayings that eventually end up in oddly shaped cardboard boxes that are called cookies by terminally optimistic restaurateurs. This is where the greater part of the R&D takes place for True Enlightenment. This is also the place where people come to learn how to break bricks with their face, pile drive a school bus and punch a castle to death.

Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 5 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy y’all! Welcome to the second season of Cooking with Oats.

With half of a season of writing for Commander Cast firmly under my belt and the screaming adulation of tens of rabid fans I think it is time to take this whole endeavor to “The Next Level”. It’s time to offer the “Oats Experience” to the teeming, unwashed masses yearning to cram meat laden grease of questionable origin into their gaping face holes. It’s time for one more garish eyesore to pop up in the strip mall hell-scape that is Middle America. It is time for yet another cartoon mascot to teach our children that if they whine long enough and loud enough even the most well-meaning parent will buy them shiny new cases of obesity, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes, all of which come with a cool toy. I am opening a chain of fast food restaurants, following in the footsteps of industrial titans like Ray Kroc, Colonel Sanders and Kenny Rogers, so I can turn my new found wealth and fame into much bigger piles of wealth and fame.

Welcome to Uncle Oats’ Old Fashioned Family Feedbag!

Read the rest of this entry »

Cooking with Oats 07 – Goop!

September 6, 2012

This entry is part 6 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy y’all, and welcome to another episode of Cooking with Oats.

Here is a small excerpt from an interview I gave to Todd Schmidt of GQ magazine recently:

Todd: “Mr. Oats… can I call you Mightily?”

Me: “No.”

Todd: “Okay. Mr. Oats, you have taken the culinary world by storm. You have written 32 books, opened countless restaurants, and even have your own line of designer microwave burritos. There are some that say you have climbed every mountain, that you have conquered every kingdom in the world of food. To what do you attribute your meteoric success?” Read the rest of this entry »