This entry is part 11 of 15 in the series Journey to Nowhere

by Judson AKA GUDoug

GUDougDisclaimer:  At the end of May 2012 CommanderCast was blitzkrieged by an all out assault that everyone involved in the podcast and website had never seen before.  Within the span of three days on one especially burned out week the website was attacked in a dual strike by one Mike AKA ‘Mightily Oats,’ leaving a smoldering crater filled with market fresh entertainment, choice cuts of meaty cards, and Photoshopped delicacies, all steeped in two mind boggling articles good enough to steam your grandma’s undies.  It was for all intents and purposes an unheralded double tap to the head the likes of which we will never see again.  The series ‘Cooking With Oats’ showcased a new great talent to the CommanderCast lineup and punched everyone in the yambags with a innovative new spin on writing EDH articles (Click this to read the ‘Cooking With Oats’ back catalog).  I remember reading the first ‘Cooking With Oats’ and basically realizing that this guy, whoever he was, was putting everything into his articles that I wanted to but had never found a way to do so.  Mike’s articles were full of humor, bizarre non-EDH stories that tied into EDH decks at the end, and were all impeccably well written.  Having done a fair amount of comedy writing in my college days, I had always wished for a way to include that more into articles but struggled to do, and this Mightily Oats just seemed to ooze everything that I wanted in my writing.  Every other week I looked forward to seeing what unpredictably insane situation Oats would be in and how it would all tie up nicely with a big bow at the end.  So with Mike’s permission and blessing I wrote an Oats-esque article and had a blast doing so.  The experience was very liberating and actually one of the most effortless articles I have written.  While I would never want to steal Mike’s style I really wanted to give his article archetype a try, so be prepared as this isn’t going to be anything close to your usual Judson AKA GUDoug article.  I know that this probably won’t appeal to everyone but I encourage you to sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 9 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy y’all and welcome to the “Mightily Oats All Hallow’s Eve Spooktacular”.

It’s that time of year again when the leaves have fallen from the trees, the harvest has been gathered, Black Cats and Vampire Bats take on a more sinister air and all of the children have put their little signatures on Satan’s Contract from Below in hopes that trading their immortal souls to the Lord of the Pit will garner them more Snickers bars and fewer of those God-awful peanut butter taffy things that come in orange and black wrappers. (I can’t really blame the kids for doing this, as those things are in the same class of weapons as nerve gas and clearly outlawed by the Geneva Convention.) Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 8 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

 Howdy y’all, and welcome to another episode of Cooking with Oats.

Having children has taught me a few things over the years. One thing I have learned is that I have slowly become a jaded, unfeeling husk of a human; all of my lust for life has been leeched from my being by these tiny, squalling succubae. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children but I know that they are slowly killing me. I’m not sure when I became numb to human suffering, but it had to have happened recently.

I vividly remember the first time that my wife left me alone with my 6 month old daughters.  They were both sound asleep on the couch and I had to pee so bad that my back teeth were floating.  I thought that this was my chance to run to the bathroom and prevent my bladder from rupturing. Read the rest of this entry »

Cooking with Oats 07 – Goop!

September 6, 2012

This entry is part 6 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy y’all, and welcome to another episode of Cooking with Oats.

Here is a small excerpt from an interview I gave to Todd Schmidt of GQ magazine recently:

Todd: “Mr. Oats… can I call you Mightily?”

Me: “No.”

Todd: “Okay. Mr. Oats, you have taken the culinary world by storm. You have written 32 books, opened countless restaurants, and even have your own line of designer microwave burritos. There are some that say you have climbed every mountain, that you have conquered every kingdom in the world of food. To what do you attribute your meteoric success?” Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 5 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Howdy y’all! Welcome to the second season of Cooking with Oats.

With half of a season of writing for Commander Cast firmly under my belt and the screaming adulation of tens of rabid fans I think it is time to take this whole endeavor to “The Next Level”. It’s time to offer the “Oats Experience” to the teeming, unwashed masses yearning to cram meat laden grease of questionable origin into their gaping face holes. It’s time for one more garish eyesore to pop up in the strip mall hell-scape that is Middle America. It is time for yet another cartoon mascot to teach our children that if they whine long enough and loud enough even the most well-meaning parent will buy them shiny new cases of obesity, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes, all of which come with a cool toy. I am opening a chain of fast food restaurants, following in the footsteps of industrial titans like Ray Kroc, Colonel Sanders and Kenny Rogers, so I can turn my new found wealth and fame into much bigger piles of wealth and fame.

Welcome to Uncle Oats’ Old Fashioned Family Feedbag!

Read the rest of this entry »

This entry is part 4 of 10 in the series Cooking With Oats

Posted by Mike aka Mightily Oats

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~Louis Hector Berlioz

The sun rises in the east, first kissing the soaring mountain peaks and slowly dripping into the glacier-ridden valleys. A frigid spring wind comes rushing from the north, insidiously disregarding my many layers of long underwear to fondle my dangly bits with its icy fingers. The frosty cloud of my exhalation mixes with that of my stalwart war-yak, shifting restively beneath me while he chews his cud. The sonorous tolling of a gong echoes through the valley, announcing the birth of another day.

This is monk country; where bald little men gather in their high-mountain factories to churn out philosophies, idioms and clever sayings that eventually end up in oddly shaped cardboard boxes that are called cookies by terminally optimistic restaurateurs. This is where the greater part of the R&D takes place for True Enlightenment. This is also the place where people come to learn how to break bricks with their face, pile drive a school bus and punch a castle to death.

Read the rest of this entry »