Okay, I love my new Prossh deck. I really do. But even I’m getting a little sick of people continuing to talk about the new Commander 2013 generals. I’m sick of seeing them. I’m sick of hearing about them. I’m just done with them in general (see what I did there?).

So I’m going to follow up that opener… By talking about them one more time! But this time, in an ode to a segment from my old column (Vexing) Devil’s Advocate, I am going to be talking about how to kill the little $#!^s. If you are getting jaded with seeing precon generals in your meta, this is the article for you!

And if your a fan of Up! Your! Deck! at all, you are going to want to at least read the end of this article for a special announcement/request. But I encourage you to read the whole thing to build suspense!

Basically it's going to be like this, but with more cursing.

Basically it’s going to be like this, but with more cursing.

(Please note, I am only doing this column for the generals that were the front-and-centre ones for each precon, mostly because I feel like they are probably the strongest and will see the most play. If one of the other legends in these boxes is keeping you down, let me know in the comments below and I’ll see what kind of kryptonite I can cook up.)

Oloro, Ageless Ascetic

This little turd made me retire my beloved Lyzolda deck, so there is no love lost between us. I will be only too happy to come up with some ways to rain on his parade.

And this is going to be a particularly violent kind of rain.

And this is going to be a particularly violent kind of rain.

I find it a little depressing that this guy caused me to retire a Rakdos deck, when Rakdos has so many hilarious answers to him. Most of the answers even a have a powerful bonus effects stacked on top. With cards like Everlasting Torment, Sulfuric Vortex, or Erebos, God of the dead, Rakdos doesn’t have too much trouble stopping Oloro’s lifegain (too bad I couldn’t have fit those cards in Lyzolda).

However, keep in mind that you can attack more than the life gain in an Oloro deck. Almost all Oloro decks are using their life to get cards, so feel free to run things like Notion Thief, Mind’s Eye, or Consecrated Sphinx to target what your opponent is really after and deprive them of it (or at least up with their draws).

Jeleva, Nephalia’s Scourge

Jeleva has revealed herself to be a misleading general. While most would expect her to be a control deck or a thief deck that likes to play its opponent’s spells, this deceitful little witch’s ability is really just an excuse not to pay for your own Time Stretch or Cruel Ultimatum.

Luckily, shutting her down is relatively easy. Every time she enters the battlefield it counts as a new Jeleva who can’t cast previously exiled spells; so when you see a particularly nasty spell floating in Limbo, relief is just a bounce or blink effect away. Also keep in mind that if you blink her with something like Galepowder Mage or Mistmeadow Witch, she will exile zero cards upon entering the battlefield. Take that, grixis good stuff!

You can also target any single part of her ability to make the entire card shut down. Either by ruining her enter the battlefield trigger (Stifle, Torpor Orb) or by preventing your opponent’s from hitting the combat step with her untapped (Stonehorn Dignitary, Frost Titan).

Lastly, don’t forget that if you can’t find a kill spell you can always just use Zealous Conscripts and cast one of the ones she exiled on herself (or maybe put that exiled Enter the Infinite to better use than your opponent would have). And If you really hate Jeleva, run Angelic Arbiter to turn her into a useless piece of recycled cereal box.

Prossh, Skyraider of Kher

Hang on, do you really expect me to give you tips on how to stop my own deck? Ugh, fine.

I forgot that I would have to do this when I started! F^#%!

I forgot that I would have to do this when I started! F^#%!

The thing with Prossh is that you really don’t want him abusing those tokens. The 5/5 dragon is manageable, many of the things he does with tiny 0/1 kobolds are not (and you really don’t want to have to explain to all the other Magic nerds how you got beaten to death by an army of kobolds).

To that end, cards like Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite or Curse of Death’s Hold can be used as exterminators for your kobold infestation. Outside of that, you can shut down certain abuses of Prossh with targeted cards like Silent Arbiter or Angel of Jubilation. But you’re probably just better off killing the kobolds, unless you like running Silent Arbiter so he can quietly judge your enemies for their failures.

Look at him, just mocking you with his beady little... Does He even have eyes? I can't tell.

Look at him, just mocking you with his beady little… Does he even have eyes? I can’t tell. Is that some kind of cyclops thing he has going on at the top of that helmet?

Marath, Will of the Wild

Since Marath’s scaling ability is affected by his casting cost as he enters the battlefield, it’s even funnier to play blink or Torpor Orb against him than it is to play against Jeleva. Ever see Marath try to play out from under a Mistmeadow Witch? It’s just sad.

Just remember that if your opponent has a bunch of mana open, you can’t steal Marath and use its own ability to kill it. They will just get value out of it in response. Unless you’re playing Word of Seizing, in which case you can feel free to commence your touchdown dance after burning out your opponent’s field.

Derevi, Empyrial Tactician

Ah, Derevi. The Edric of this set. If you have played against the Derevi Winter Orb/Stasis deck, than you already know how entirely unpleasant it can be. Unfortunately, tech against Derevi can be scarce.

This general is just begging to be tucked, so run your Chaos Warp And Terminus. Failing that, something as simple as a Constant Mists can keep your opponent from getting their untap triggers. And you can always run Tainted Aether to artificially give Derevi a recast tax.

Finally, do not forget the might of the humble Pithing Needle. This card can shut down Derevi’s ability even if it is in the command zone, meaning that your opponent is forced to play EDH under the same rules as everyone else. And this is something that most Derevi decks are woefully unprepared for.

Down with the bourgeois bant! Equality for all! Etc, etc.

Down with the bourgeois bant! Equality for all! Etc, etc.

Thanks for sticking around for my short and sweet (okay, maybe somewhat bitter) call back to my old column. But that leads me to some news about my current column.

I’m going to be ending Up! Your! Deck! due to a change up to my writing schedule for next season (but more on that next week!). My biggest regret with this column was my failure to deliver on the step-by-step deck building guide I initially planned. While this was mostly caused by our introduction of theme weeks and special articles and other factors beyond my control, it’s still frustrating to me that I told you guys (all seven of you!) that I would do something and then failed to deliver.

However, I do want to make sure that I helped you as much as I can. So here is your chance to get my direct deck building advice on anything at all. It can be as general as asking about good ramp or removal in EDH or as specific as what the optimal equipment is for your Godo deck. Just leave any and all questions in the comments below and I will devote the last article of this series to going as in depth into as many of them as I possibly can.

Because I love you guys. Only a little though, not enough to make my girlfriend jealous or anything.

Eric writes Up! Your! Deck! weekly, but only for a short while more! You can also find him bi-weekly on Rivals’ Duel! Leave your asks in the comments below, or get a hold of  Eric personally at EricBonvie@gmail.com or @ThatBonvieGuy on twitter.